How To Magnetically Attract People and Get Them To Do What You Want Them To Do
-What is charisma?
-Is it a case of “You either have it or you don’t?”
-Can you develop a magnetic personality?
There are some people who seem to have this natural “magnetism.” As soon as they walk into a room they draw people’s attention. When they speak, people listen intently to every word. They are seen as leaders, persons that seem to attract followers easily.
I’m sure that you know people like this. They seem to stand out. They have what some call “charisma.” They attract people to them.
Some charismatic persons who come to mind are: Tony Robbins, Barbara Walters, Bill Clinton, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Oprah, Matthew McConaughey, Fidel Castro, Herf Applewhite, my friend Steve, and my brother Joe.
They are not just celebrities. They are everyday people that you meet in social settings or at work. You may even have people like this in your own family.
I had a brother who became a Pentecostal minister. When he was a teenager, he had a group of friends who would follow him everywhere. He was their leader even when he led them to smoking illegal “herbs.”
As a church leader, he was developing a following of people who loved him, and listened intently to his sermons. When he walked into a room, he quickly got people’s attention. My brother Joe, was a good story-teller, and joke teller so he easily attracted people to him. I must admit that I was somewhat envious of him since I tended to be shy and reserved. He was very charismatic! Unfortunately his life was cut short by a drunk driver in a tragic car accident on Christmas day, 1986.
Charismatic people tend to have an advantage in business, sales, or leadership.
Charisma gets people to like you, trust you, and want to be led by you.
Charisma determines whether you will be seen as a follower or a leader; whether your ideas will get adopted; and how effectively your projects will get implemented.
Charisma improves the likelihood of success in almost every area of life.
It makes people to want to do what you want them to do. Charisma is the result of specific behaviors.
Charisma can be lowered or raised like turning a dial.
Charismatic behavior is often learned at an early age.
I thought that people were born with charisma. You either have it or your don’t. . . but that’s a myth!
According to “The Charisma Myth” by Olivia Fox Cabane, charisma is something that can be developed. You don’t have to be born with it.
Furthermore, being an extrovert is not a requirement for being influential or charismatic.
What is Charisma?
Charisma is a magnetic quality that comes from a combination of Power, Warmth, and Presence.
Power: The charismatic person presents power with his or her body language. They walk straight with their shoulders back and their head up. They appear to take-up a lot of space. They stand like generals.
They speak to you with their body language. They exude confidence. If angry or frustrated, they remain calm, cool, and collected in social situations.
Warmth: Charismatic people tend to exhibit a people-oriented nature. They are often described as warm and approachable. They like people and feel comfortable around them, or develop a comfort around people.
Charismatic people convey warmth through their facial expressions and their eyes. They make you feel comfortable, and they appear to be trustworthy.
Presence: People who appear charismatic give others the feeling that they have your complete attention. They are not distracted.
They look directly at your face and may say your name as they speak. They make you feel like you are the only one in the room.
When in a conversation, they are completely with you in the moment. They are active listeners. It’s all about the other person and not about them.
Here are 8 ways to increase your personal magnetism/charisma:
1- Practice Visualization and Affirmations
Visualize by creating mental images of yourself in a leadership position. See yourself entering a room confidently and notice how people notice you. Use affirmations to reprogram your brain.
For example, whenever I was about to give a presentation or give a speech, I would say to myself, “I am confident. I am capable. I’m an achiever. I’m a success. People listen to what I have to say, and they enjoy listening to me speak.” I would say this to myself multiple times. The more I did this the more confident I became, and confidence is a cornerstone of charisma.
2- Convey Confidence With Your Body Language
Everyone knows a confident person walks into a room with head high and shoulders back. Make it a practice to enter a room deliberately, comfortably, and without haste.
When sitting men take up space. They spread out with arms and legs. They may lean back, lift their arms and put them over the backs of the two chairs next to them.
Women can also take up space. It is acceptable for a powerful woman to lean back and put her arm across one but not two chairs.
According to studies, those who look most confident and self-assured whether they are sitting, standing, or walking are taking up a comfortable amount of space. They are not tightly holding their arms and their legs next to them.
3- Exude Warmth
Some research has shown that when people perceive you as warm and approachable they are more likely to trust you and embrace your ideas.
They number one way to convey warmth is be smiling. Smiling causes you to be considered more approachable and competent.
Power and warmth combine to create “charismatic magnetism.”
4- Be Present
When engaging with people, be attentive. When people feel valued, they will like being around you and see you as charismatic.
The best way to convey that you are present is with eye contact. Eye contact greatly influences likability, trustworthiness and attractiveness.
Eyes can project confidence and inspire instant trust. To be a good listener your eyes should say, “I am listening,” and convey empathy and concern.
Active listening also conveys attentiveness. As a listener it is good to occasionally paraphrase what the speaker has said. It’s about how you make people feel about themselves.
5- Share Your Stories and Anecdotes
When talking with people, share information about yourself. This will encourage the other person to also share information about themselves.
People enjoy conversing with charismatic persons because they feel good about themselves afterwards. Bill Clinton is an example of a charismatic person. He is very good at sharing stories and making others feel important.
Charisma is more about how you make others feel and less about you.
6- Be Passionate
Charismatic people tend to be passionate. They have strong feelings about something of interest to them. Strong emotions are contagious.
Therefore when people are around someone who is passionate they likewise feel inspired and are more likely to follow them.
7- Have Big Visions
Charismatic people talk about big ideas. Have a clear vision of a goal for yourself or your company and be bold in making it happen. Others will follow.
8- Believe in Yourself
We all have doubts about ourselves and our abilities but charismatic people don’t allow fear to sabotage their success. They focus their brain on past successes.
When you focus on how you have succeeded in the past, your brain will provide evidence that you will succeed similarly in your endeavor, thereby increasing your confidence.
-Charisma improves the likelihood of success in every area of life
-Charisma can be developed by anyone
-Charisma is about how you communicate non-verbally
-The secret of charisma is more about how you make others feel
A Word of Caution
Not all charismatic leaders have positive outlooks. Take for example, Herf Applewhite the leader of the Heaven’s Gate cult. He got 39 people to take poison and die so that they could go to heaven in a space ship. Herf was a very charismatic person according to survivors. Be cautious of charismatic charlatans!
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To your success,
David C Figueroa- Success Coach
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